Requirements for a Revolution Church Wedding

If I want to live the Jesus way, I should not live with my fiancé before marriage. God designed sex and cohabitation for marriage, not for dating or engagement. Even if we plan to marry, moving in early treats God’s covenant like a rule to bend instead of a gift to treasure.

Hebrews 13:4 says marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure. Sexual union and shared living are designed to seal a covenant, not to test-drive it. When I live together before marriage, I blur the line between covenant and convenience. Studies confirm this — cohabiting couples face significantly higher divorce rates.

Watch the video above. Cameron and Brancey’s story illustrates this. They lived together for years, but when God unplugged their ears to the truth, they chose separation before marriage. They didn’t just want to “follow a rule.” They wanted to do it God’s way — to begin with His blessing, not just the state’s approval. Their testimony is that joy and strength poured into their marriage after that choice.

Living apart before marriage says to my spouse and to God: “I want to start on the right foot, trusting His design.” It is not about legalism, but about aligning with God’s process so He can bless the foundation.

THEOLOGICAL REASON

1. God designed sex and living together for the covenant of marriage.

• Scripture is clear: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure” (Heb. 13:4).

• Cohabitation blurs God’s covenant design and treats what is sacred as casual.

• Sex and shared life are not test-drives; they are covenant seals.

2. Living together before marriage misrepresents Christ and the Church.

• Marriage is a metaphor to show how much Jesus loves the Church (Eph 5).

• Marriage is meant to display Christ’s faithful, sacrificial love for His Bride (Eph. 5:25–32).

• Christ doesn’t “try out” His bride — He commits fully. Cohabitation teaches the opposite.

3. Cohabitation is a form of sexual immorality or other intimacy.

• Paul writes: “Because of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2).

• Living together almost always includes sexual intimacy, which Scripture says belongs only in marriage.

• Even if it doesn't include sex, it includes other forms of intimacy that are reserved for marriage. Marriage is when two lives mesh as one: this includes sleeping in the same bed, using the same silverware, seeing each other when you wake and sleep, and even deciding how furniture is setup. Every daily part of living is what happens when you commit to be with someone. Living together preempts the entirety of marriage.

4. Obedience brings blessing.

• Jesus calls us to walk His way — the narrow road that leads to life (Matt. 7:14).

• Living apart before marriage isn’t about “rule-following.” It’s about trusting God’s design, even when it’s hard.

• Couples who move out prior to marriage testified that separating was difficult, but God blessed them financially, relationally, and spiritually as a direct result.

5. Cohabitation undermines the witness of the Church.

• Paul urges believers to avoid even the appearance of sexual sin (1 Thess. 5:22).

• When I live with someone who is not yet my spouse, I send a message to others that holiness doesn’t matter. This damages not only my walk with Christ but also the credibility of my testimony.

PRACTICAL REASONS

1. Couples who live together before marriage are statistically far more likely to divorce.

Studies show cohabitation fosters a consumer mindset (“I’ll stay as long as I’m happy”) rather than a covenant mindset. This weakens the foundation of trust.

2. Couples who cohabit often enter marriage with less joy and anticipation.

Cameron and Brancey (in the above video) shared that their six months apart before marriage made their wedding day full of God’s blessing and joy. Cohabitation steals that kind of anticipation and robs marriage of the “new creation” beginning.

3. Living together sets up unhealthy patterns of conflict avoidance and instability.

Studies show cohabiting couples are less likely to share finances, less likely to support one another long-term, and more likely to break up. It’s practice for divorce, not marriage.

4. Living apart before marriage forces growth.

Couples who stay separate until marriage learn how to be fully mature and whole adults on their own. This creates two mature and whole people who are ready to share their life with another mature and whole person. 

Independence, responsibility, and appreciation for each other are all part of waiting until marriage. Living apart will give you skills and maturity that strengthened your marriage from day one.

5. Cohabitation often isolates couples from Christian community.

Friends and family may disapprove, leading to secrecy or defensiveness. This makes it harder to receive wise counsel at a critical life stage. By waiting, you keep my marriage connected to the support and accountability of my church family.

If I’m serious about following Jesus, I want my marriage to be rooted in God’s covenant, not just the state’s paperwork. A courthouse can make me legally married, but it doesn’t dedicate my marriage to Christ.

Romans 13 teaches us to respect government, but Christian marriage is more than legality — it’s covenant worship. In Scripture, marriage is always before God: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). It is His act, not the state’s.

Marriage is to be a metaphor of how much Jesus loved his Church (Eph 5). By running to a courthouse you are making marriage about yourself, instead of honoring the metaphor God designed. 

That’s why Cameron (in the video above) explained that he didn’t just want to be committed to Kansas law — he wanted to be committed before God and the church. A wedding before the Christian community makes marriage a testimony, showing others that I walk the Jesus way, not just the world’s way.

This doesn’t mean a church building is magical. It means the covenant should be sealed with prayer, Scripture, and witnesses of faith. A courthouse may check the legal box, but a Christian wedding testifies that my union belongs to Christ.

If I love Jesus, I should only marry (or date) another Christian. Marriage unites two lives as one flesh, and if we don’t share faith, we will pull in different directions.

Paul warns: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14). Marriage is the deepest yoke — two people becoming one (Gen. 2:24). If I unite with someone who doesn’t follow Christ, we will not share the same Lord, mission, or eternal hope.

Revolution Church’s wedding policy reflects this: if one person isn’t a believer, pastors will not perform the wedding. This is not cruelty — it’s protection. A divided foundation leads to divided lives.

Marriage is supposed to be a metaphor of Jesus loving his Church. By marrying someone who doesn't even love Jesus, the metaphor breaks, and your marriage becomes only about what you can gain in the moment.

Marriage is meant to display Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22–32). That picture is broken when one spouse doesn’t know Jesus. Choosing only a believer isn’t about elitism — it’s about aligning with God’s design so that my marriage reflects His glory.

More Theological Reasons:

1. Spiritual unity is essential. Amos 3:3 asks, “Can two walk together unless they are agreed?” Shared faith creates agreement on life’s most important matters.

2. Marriage is missional. Together, husband and wife are meant to raise godly children (Mal. 2:15) and be a witness to the world. That mission is undermined when one spouse resists the faith.

3. Worship must be shared. Marriage means sharing meals, homes, and holidays. If we cannot share worship of the same Lord, the most important part of life remains divided.

More Practical Reasons:

1. Raising children becomes a conflict. Decisions about baptism, church attendance, discipline, and morality will become points of contention if only one parent follows Christ.

2. Core values diverge. Money, sex, forgiveness, and priorities are all shaped by faith. Without shared faith, couples often disagree at the deepest level of values.

3. Isolation increases. The believer may feel spiritually lonely, unable to pray together or serve side by side in church.

4. Stress rises, joy decreases. Studies consistently show couples who share faith are happier, more stable, and divorce less often than couples with mixed beliefs

If I want my marriage to be strong, I should go through premarital counseling. It’s not just a box to check — it prepares me to understand God’s design for marriage and equips me with practical tools to thrive.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Premarital counseling is discipleship. It helps me face blind spots, heal baggage, and build unity before entering a covenant that reflects Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:25–32).

Revolution Church requires counseling not to control couples, but to shepherd them.

Nine to thirteen sessions (plus assessments like SYMBIS) cover communication, finances, sexuality, conflict, and faith. These conversations surface potential conflicts before they become crises.

Marriage is a metaphor of Christ’s love for His Bride. Christ prepares His Bride; counseling prepares us to reflect Him well. Without preparation, I risk building on sand instead of rock (Matt. 7:24–27).

If I want to honor God, I must abstain from sex until I’m married. Sex isn’t just physical — it’s a spiritual bond that belongs inside the covenant.

Paul says, “The two will become one flesh” (1 Cor. 6:16). Sexual intimacy creates a soul-deep union meant only for covenant commitment. When I engage sexually before marriage, I take what belongs to the covenant and use it for myself.

Marriage is a metaphor for Christ’s intimacy with the Church. Christ gives Himself fully and permanently. Sex outside marriage counterfeits that intimacy without covenant.

Practically, waiting builds trust. It teaches self-control, deepens emotional connection, and protects the relationship from guilt and secrecy. Studies show couples who wait report greater marital satisfaction and stability. Waiting is not deprivation; it’s investment.

Additionally, studies show that couples who wait to have sex have:
- higher levels of happiness in marriage
- higher levels of sexual joy in marriage
- lower divorce rates

If I want to walk the Jesus way, I must affirm God’s design for marriage: one man and one woman, for life.

From the beginning, God said: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Jesus affirms this in Matthew 19:4–6. This design is creational, not cultural.

Marriage is the metaphor of Christ and the Church. One husband (Christ) and one bride (the Church) form the picture. Polygamy, same-sex unions, or any distortion misrepresents the gospel.

Revolution Church and the Brethren in Christ affirm this: weddings are reserved for one man and one woman.

Practically, this creates clarity for raising children, managing roles, and reflecting God’s covenant love in society.

If I think marriage is only about making me happy, I’ll be disappointed. Marriage is about holiness first, happiness second. God uses marriage to make me more like Jesus.

Romans 8:28–29 reminds me that God’s purpose in everything — including marriage — is to conform me to Christ. Marriage is a tool of sanctification, shaping my patience, humility, and love.

Marriage is the metaphor of Christ and the Church. Christ did not pursue His Bride because she made Him happy. He pursued her sacrificially, even unto death. That’s the love I’m called to mirror.

Practically, couples who expect marriage to “fix” them or keep them perpetually happy are crushed when trials come. But couples who see marriage as discipleship grow stronger. The surprising truth? Happiness grows deeper when holiness is the goal.

If I want my marriage to thrive, I must handle money God’s way. Finances are one of the top causes of marital conflict, but when we trust God with our money and work together, finances can strengthen us instead of divide us.

Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matt. 6:21). Money always reveals our hearts. If my spouse and I pull in different directions financially, our hearts will pull apart too.

Marriage is a metaphor of Christ and the Church. Christ provides for His Bride with generosity and sacrifice. In marriage, finances are not “mine and yours,” but “ours” — reflecting that two have become one flesh (Gen. 2:24).

Practically, couples who budget together, tithe faithfully, and avoid debt have fewer conflicts and more unity. Pre-marital counseling at Revolution includes sessions on budgeting, giving, and stewardship.

Finances aren’t just math — they are discipleship.

If my family doesn’t support my engagement, I should listen respectfully for wisdom. It should also consult my Pastor and wise counselors. A family disapproving of an engagement is a major red flag. However, marriage creates a new family unit, and my first loyalty after marriage is to my spouse.

Genesis 2:24 says, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Marriage requires a new loyalty — not abandoning parents, but reordering priorities.

Marriage is a metaphor of Christ and the Church. Just as believers leave the world to unite with Christ, marriage calls me to leave old ties to form a new covenant bond.

Practically, family tensions are common. Wise couples seek premarital counsel to navigate them. Listening to concerns can reveal blind spots, but couples must not let family dictate God’s calling. A marriage built on family approval instead of covenant commitment will not stand.

God established the family as a source of wisdom and protection. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” If my parents or family disapprove, I should not dismiss their concerns outright. Family resistance is often a warning sign that something may be unhealthy in the relationship. It could point to issues of character, timing, or maturity.

At the same time, families are not infallible. Jesus Himself said that following Him sometimes creates division within families (Luke 14:26). That is why wise couples seek counsel not only from family but also from pastors and spiritually mature mentors. A pastor can help me discern whether my family’s disapproval is rooted in biblical concerns or in selfish motives.

Theologically, marriage creates a new family unit: “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). This does not mean I ignore my family, but that once I am married, my first loyalty is to my spouse. The metaphor of Christ and the Church makes this clear — the Bride’s first loyalty is to her Groom, not to her family of origin.

Practical Expansion:

1. Listen carefully. My family may see red flags that I am blind to because of strong emotions.

2. Seek pastoral counsel. Pastors and mentors at Revolution can help me weigh whether objections are valid or misplaced.

3. Treat disapproval seriously. Family disapproval should slow me down and push me to deeper reflection, not be brushed off.

4. Prioritize wisely. If I move forward, I must be ready to leave and cleave — forming a new unit where my spouse becomes my first loyalty.

5. Guard unity. Even if my family never fully approves, my marriage can still flourish if my spouse and I remain united under Christ.

Please, remember:  Biblically, a Christian is not allowed to marry a non-Christian.