If I’m considering divorce, I must remember Jesus’ teaching: “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). The Bible only gives three clear grounds.

The Bible only gives three clear grounds:

1. Sexual immorality (Matt. 19:9).

2. Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:15).

3. A "marriage" that is not actually a marriage (see question below).

It is possible that forms of abuse or even abandonment by someone who claims to be a Christian would constitute reason for divorce as well. But, this should always be analyzed and done after meeting with a Christian counselor and your Pastor.

The Pharisees asked Jesus if divorce was lawful “for any and every reason” (Matt. 19:3). That’s the culture’s view—divorce as a release valve for unhappiness. Jesus rejects that and points to God’s design in creation: one man, one woman, joined for life. Divorce was only ever permitted because of hardness of heart, never because God approved of it (Mark 10:5).

Jesus gives one explicit exception: sexual immorality (Greek: porneia). Persistent, unrepentant sexual betrayal destroys the covenantal “one flesh” bond and provides grounds for divorce. Paul adds a second: abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor. 7:15). If the unbeliever refuses to remain, the believer is “not bound.”

Outside of these, divorce is not biblically legitimate. Cultural reasons like “we don’t get along,” “we’re not compatible,” or “we fell out of love” don’t align with God’s Word. This doesn’t mean marriage is always easy—it often involves suffering—but it does mean divorce is limited to covenant-breaking sins that mirror spiritual adultery or outright rejection of the covenant.

This should not drive us to a harsh legalism but to a deeper reverence for the holiness of marriage. By limiting divorce to these extreme violations, Scripture emphasizes that marriage is meant to be permanent, exclusive, and sacred. To treat it lightly is to dishonor the covenant God Himself has established.

Jesus' desire truly is to make marriage work.

If I’m a Christian but the non-Christian spouse leaves me, I should let them go and pursue God in my singleness.

Remarriage shouldn’t be automatic.

Would it be better if the marriage could work? YES. But, if the non-believer leaves the believer isn’t supposed to force the marriage on them.

It’s important to remember this is a command from God’s word: You are NOT BOUND… literally, from the Greek, “You are not under bondage” in that circumstance. Meaning, you would be free to get married again. That’s the only clear exception in Scripture for divorce (and remarriage).

If I am divorced and remarried in a one-man & one-woman marriage I should stay in the position I’m at right now. Even if it was the result of disobedience.

Apply the marriage principles from scripture to keep your current marriage healthy and do not seek a divorce.

1 Corinthians 7:17 Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.

We didn’t make it to this verse in the sermon, but it’s right after the section we studied. I apply it to those who got remarried. Whatever position you find yourself in now, try not to alter it. If you’re single – don’t try to get married.

If you’re divorced, don’t try to find a new spouse. If you’ve already been remarried don’t try to change it.

Stay where you’re at and follow the Lord’s commands on honoring your marriage from your current position.

If I’m a Christian married but in a different type of marriage that isn’t defined by God as marriage (such as group, polygamous, or homosexual, I should get out of that marriage and consider singleness.

One thing I have to point out that we should notice in the Biblical discussion of marriage is essential: God’s definition of marriage. In the sermon you’ve heard JESUS talk about it. The Apostle Paul talked about it. The Apostle Matthew wrote about it. Last week we quoted Genesis regarding it. In every situation, the definition of Biblical marriage is always with one man and one woman.

I am not speaking to the legality or politics of such marriages. This is only about what God defines as marriage. Since marriage is meant to be one-man and one-woman, other marriages should be repented from and ended.
But, I would add this: I believe you may have a moral obligation to help care for someone that once joined you in marriage, at least for a time. In other continents there were numerous polygamous marriages. Christian missionaries would go over and people would start following Jesus, but what to do with those marriages?

If you are in a polygamous marriage you should divorce all but your first wife. However, because often those wives and children are dependent upon you, you should be financially responsible for them even afterwards.

This may be the same in a homosexual marriage. If one spouse promised to work and care for the other spouse financially, that first spouse may be obligated to assist the other person for a time.
In any of these situations, because you promised to take care of them, even though you now realize the marriage is not Biblical, but because they submitted to you and put themselves in a dangerous position of relying on you, you can’t just abandon any responsibility you took on.

Now, if they got remarried or are able to take care of themselves, then that would be different.
But, if you’ve been in an unbiblical marriage, you might still have responsibilities to care for even after getting out of the marriage.

This is also true for children from these marriages. A divorce in this circumstance does not relieve you of any moral responsibility or promises you made to those children. You certainly would have financial, and perhaps other concerns, for children who depended upon you.

What if you’re the one who may be in need?

Perhaps you are in a marriage that should be divorced, yet you aren’t “the provider”. Perhaps, for example, you are in a polygamous marriage and you’re the third wife who has stayed home with the children and has no great job prospects.
What do you do if your current marriage partner isn’t willing to do things God’s way? You should still exit the marriage, but keep in mind a few things:

One-time Jesus was talking about how difficult things will be for true believers. Then, he gives a reminder saying, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” (Matthew 10:29-31).
God sees your situation and he genuinely cares for his believers. There will be difficulties for us, but he hasn’t forgotten about you. And, as you make the right decision you will find that “you are worth more than many sparrows” to God. He will never abandon you.

Proverbs 3:5 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Additionally, in Matthew 6, Jesus is talking about we all need food, and clothing, and those sorts of things. But promises that if you “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness… all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.”

Do what is right and watch how God shows up.

But, also, don’t forget about your Church family! There may be ways that the Church can help provide temporary shelter or support for you in ways that you don’t even know about!

In other words, this decision has to be yours, but you are not in it alone.

If I’m not pursuing marriage, I shouldn’t be dating. But I should have some principles and Holy standards for a spouse, in case I start to like someone.

We covered this in a sermon, but to be clear, if you aren’t pursuing marriage, there’s no Godly reason to be dating. God gives three legitimate categories of people in the Bible:

1. Single.

2. Pursuing Marriage.

3. Married. “Dating for fun” isn’t one of those slots. You should be finding your purpose or living out your purpose if you’re single. THAT IS TO BE SERVING GOD WITH ALL YOU ARE!!! The dating mentality messes up marriage and singleness: Tony Evans in his book, Kingdom Single says, “Far too many couples are married and yet still feel alone because they never fully knew what it meant to be fully single.”

You have to know who you are in Christ if you want to be strong. TWO PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SINGLE HUMANS ARE GOING TO HAVE A REAL HARD TIME HAVING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE. Simply put, you don’t need to be dating if you aren’t going to get married.

PURPOSE So, then, how do you find purpose and wholeness in singleness? You don’t want to merely be “in waiting” as though you are incomplete. Because you are not an incomplete person as a single adult. You are a whole, complete person, created in the image of God.
As Tony Evans said, “The key to your completeness as a single is rooted first and foremost in your calling, not your sexuality.”
You may definitely have sexual desires. But, that is not your purpose. You were put here to honor and praise Jesus above all other things. You have a role to play in the Kingdom of God. Most likely, multiple roles.
1 Corinthians 7:33-34 says, “A married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs.”
You will have more mental, emotional, and likely time, capacity to serve the Lord without distraction. If you decide to work on a project for the Church’s kid’s ministry until 1:00am, you can do it if you so choose.

If you meet someone who doesn’t know the Lord you can take them out to dinner and spend an hour and a half learning their story and sharing the gospel with them! This isn’t to mean that single people aren’t busy. Not at all. But, that in your singleness you have options where others have obligations.

The married man or woman may hear from their spouse, “Of course you can’t take so-and-so out to dinner, we have such-and-such plans tonight!” or “Why didn’t you check with me first?” in a way that is far more intense than outside of a marriage.

Additionally, you have opportunity to see God working in your singleness. Psalms 139:13-14 says this:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God created you – and saw all your days – every day to come before you were born. Your singleness is not a surprise to him. And he still calls you to be able to shout out Psalm 139:13-14 with all passion! “Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Insert that about yourself.
“I, and I as a single person, am one of your wonderful works! I know that full well.” You shouldn’t know it partly. As though God created you, but things won’t really get started until you have a family.
No. God created you – you are a wonderful work as you are now. And you should be able to embrace and worship God for the place you are in, right now.

You are learning lessons someone not in your situation couldn’t learn.

You are become holy in ways that you couldn’t become holy if you were married.
You are designed by God to worship him fully, serve him fully, be happy in him completely, right now as a single person.
FRIENDSHIPS
As a single person, you may need to wrap your mind around relationships differently. In our culture, there is an incredible amount of pressure to be in romantic relationships. So much so, that a single person who isn’t dating feels like they are wrong.

When was the last time you saw a TV show or movie where someone was single, and simply content in their singleness, and it wasn’t even a big deal?

We need to learn to reframe what deep relationships are.

Deep relationships are not necessarily: - romantic - sexual - committed (like in marriage or engagement) - going to “the next level” Deep relationships can be: - engaging but not romantic - platonic and non-sexual - committed (like in a brotherhood or family type of way) - content Scripture talks about friendships fairly often. Jesus himself was a single man who had twelve close friends and was completely content in those relationships. And, they were deep and meaningful.

Seriously though, let’s talk about the miracle of Jesus having twelve close friends in his thirties. How did he achieve this? - He found some people (some married, some single) who also desired close relationships - He found people who wanted God in a huge way - Their mission in life was their common foundation You may need to take the first step in creating some close friendships. Many others would certainly desire this, but feel too awkward to hug a friend or rely on them when in need.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Who can be closer than your brother? A friend.

Scripture affirms friendship as something deep and meaningful.

When Job suffered, his friends came and sat with him for days.
A single lady I know was able to sit with a friend of hers who went through a recent tragedy. Because of her singleness, and because she loves with the love of Christ, she was able to commit more heart and time to that friendship than anyone else could have.

This doesn’t mean you simply latch onto anyone. Proverbs 12:26 says “The righteous choose their friends carefully.” So, proceed with caution and patience.

It will take time to find and cultivate deep friendships. But, you can do so!

If I'm a Christian and not in love with my spouse anymore I should not seek a divorce unless there are Biblical reasons. But, I should seek counseling, attempt to break the monotony by doing fun things with my spouse, and pray daily for my relationship.

Studies show that couples considering divorce, if they stay together are happier than the couples who divorced, 5-years later. Stick with it!

Biblically, God does not allow for divorce simply because two people (or one) have "fallen out of love". Marriage is about far more than the emotion of love. Marriage is a metaphor to show how much Jesus loves the Church. 

So, just like Jesus would act loving and never abandon the Church even if he had other feelings, we must stay committed to our marriage. This is why marriage vows include, "for better or worse."

Falling out of love is not a biblical category for divorce—it’s a cultural one. Scripture describes marriage as a covenant, not an emotion. Jesus points us back to creation: “The two shall become one flesh… what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:8–9). The language is permanent, binding, and holy. Love in Christian marriage is defined by action and covenant faithfulness, not feelings.

Research supports this biblical wisdom. Linda Waite’s landmark study shows that two-thirds of unhappy marriages become happy again within five years if couples remain married.

Seek Counseling. It's likely that you have some layers of emotional pain that's causing you to feel the way you do. Seek out a Christian therapist or counselor for help working through this.

Doing Fun is another important element. It may seem like not a big deal but the vast majority of couples who experience a desire to divorce have also forgotten how to enjoy each other's company.

Fun lowers the cortisol (stress hormone) in your brain. Take a walk. Go to an amusement park. Don't just watch TV together, but play some games. Engage in things that allow for laughter, conversation, and thrill.

Pray. The power of God comes to you when you ask him to move. Pray hard and do not give up. 

Learn more about prayer here.

If my spouse cheats, I have the right to divorce but I don’t have to. Forgiveness and reconciliation are better if possible. God can heal broken marriages. If I choose divorce, remarriage is biblically allowed after adultery.

Adultery strikes at the very heart of the marriage covenant. Jesus explicitly names sexual immorality (porneia) as a legitimate ground for divorce (Matt. 19:9). This acknowledges that sexual betrayal so deeply wounds the “one flesh” union that it can justify ending the covenant.

Yet, Scripture never commands divorce in such cases. Hosea was called to forgive and redeem his adulterous wife as a living picture of God’s covenant love (Hos. 3). Likewise, God continually forgives His people though they are unfaithful (Jer. 3, Ezek. 16). This shows that reconciliation, though difficult, displays the gospel powerfully.

Pastorally, if reconciliation is possible and the guilty spouse repents, it glorifies God for the marriage to be healed rather than ended. Counseling, accountability, and extended time for rebuilding trust are essential. But if the sin continues unrepentantly, divorce remains a biblical option.

Thus, the betrayed spouse is free either to forgive and rebuild or, if the covenant is destroyed beyond repair, to end the marriage. Both paths require deep reliance on God’s grace. The key is that I should not act rashly, but prayerfully, with counsel, seeking God’s will in my specific case.

If I’m already remarried, I should stay faithful in my current marriage. 1 Cor. 7:17 teaches that I should live faithfully in the situation I’m in now.

Paul writes: “Each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them” (1 Cor. 7:17). This pastoral principle applies directly to those who remarried outside of God’s design. Once I am in a new covenant, I am not to break it again.

Some wrestle with guilt, wondering if they must leave their current spouse to return to their first. But Scripture never instructs remarried couples to dissolve their current union. Instead, it calls for repentance, forgiveness, and honoring the covenant I am in now. To break another marriage would compound sin rather than resolve it.

God is a Redeemer. Even if my current marriage began in sin, it can be transformed into a vessel for His glory if I now honor Him in it. Author of "I Don't Want a Divorce", David Clarke, encourages facing the truth honestly—acknowledging the past wrong—then committing to love my current spouse in a Christlike way.

Theologically, this reflects God’s ability to work all things for good (Rom. 8:28). My past disobedience doesn’t mean I’m disqualified from God’s grace. It does mean I must walk humbly, acknowledging the wrong, while being faithful today.

No. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. Jesus died to forgive all sins when we confess and repent (1 John 1:9). The only unforgivable sin is blaspheming the Holy Spirit by permanently rejecting Him.

Divorce is painful and sinful outside the biblical exceptions, but it is not beyond God’s grace. Scripture is clear: “All sins will be forgiven the sons of men” (Mark 3:28). The only sin never forgiven is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit—persistent, hardened rejection of His work (Mark 3:29).

This means no matter my past—whether I divorced wrongly, remarried wrongly, or both—I can find forgiveness in Christ if I confess and repent. God’s mercy is greater than my worst failures. John Piper notes that divorce can feel uniquely unforgivable because of its permanence, but it belongs in the same category as any other sin: it is forgiven when confessed

Pastorally, this is crucial. Many divorced believers live under crushing shame. But Romans 8:1 declares: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Divorce has lasting consequences, but it does not define my standing before God. The blood of Christ does.

This truth should drive me not into despair, but into hope. My past sin doesn’t disqualify me from serving Christ. Instead, my scars can become testimonies of His grace if I walk in repentance and obedience today.

If I’m in physical danger, I should separate immediately for safety. Abuse is sin. I should get help from church leaders, counselors, and authorities. Whether abuse qualifies as biblical grounds for divorce depends on whether it includes abandonment or unrepentant covenant-breaking and should include discussion with a Pastor. But my first step must be protecting myself and children.

God never commands me to remain in a situation of physical harm. Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s sacrificial love, not to be used as a weapon of control and abuse. Abuse directly violates Ephesians 5, where husbands are commanded to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

The Bible does not list “abuse” as an explicit ground for divorce, but abuse often manifests itself as covenant-breaking. If an abuser refuses repentance and continues in destructive sin, this may constitute abandonment of the covenantal responsibilities of marriage. In such cases, separation for safety is necessary, and divorce may be biblically defensible.

Pastorally, it is vital that I know: God cares about my safety and the safety of my children. The church must stand with victims, not enable abusers. Legal authorities are also ministers of God’s justice (Rom. 13:4) and should be involved if necessary.

Dr. Clarke emphasizes in I Don’t Want a Divorce that safety and honesty are the first steps toward healing. Pretending abuse doesn’t exist only deepens the cycle of harm. God calls me to truth, courage, and protection of life.

If I regret marrying young, I should remember: immaturity doesn’t nullify God’s covenant. My vows still matter, even though many who married before 20 have higher divorce risks.

Research shows that marrying before 20 dramatically increases divorce rates.

Immaturity, lack of stability, and unformed character often contribute to regret. But the fact that young marriages are harder doesn’t mean they’re disposable. Scripture doesn’t distinguish between “young” and “old” marriages; it simply declares, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).

Feelings of regret are real, but vows are binding. Ecclesiastes 5:4 warns against breaking vows made before God. Once spoken, marriage vows become covenant promises. Instead of asking, “Did I marry too young?” the better question is, “How can I now honor God in the marriage I made?”

Pastorally, I should pursue wisdom from older couples, seek mentorship, and develop the maturity I may have lacked at first. Clarke emphasizes that regrets about the past must not govern the present. God specializes in redeeming poor beginnings and writing new stories of hope. My marriage may have started immaturely, but it can grow into maturity if I commit to Christ and to my spouse.

If my divorce was biblical (adultery or abandonment), then yes, I may remarry. If it wasn’t, I should remain single or reconcile with my first spouse (as long as they or I didn't remarry someone else).

Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:9 make it clear: “Anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Paul adds abandonment by an unbelieving spouse as another ground (1 Cor. 7:15). These are the only two circumstances where remarriage is explicitly permitted.

If my divorce does not fall into these categories, Scripture commands me to remain single or reconcile with my spouse (1 Cor. 7:11). That’s hard—but God often uses hard paths to refine us. Romans 8:29 reminds me that God’s goal is to conform me to the image of Christ, even through painful seasons.

Pastorally, remarriage must not be rushed. Even when I am biblically free, wisdom requires a time of healing, growth, and rebuilding trust in God before entering a new covenant. Dr. Clarke encourages spouses to use such seasons for personal growth and for deepening their walk with God, not for rushing back into romance.

Remarriage can be a beautiful picture of redemption, but only when it is pursued within God’s boundaries. Otherwise, it becomes another form of adultery.

If I’m married to an unbeliever who wants to stay, I should not seek divorce. My presence can sanctify them and influence my children for Christ (1 Cor. 7:13-14).

Paul is unambiguous: “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her” (1 Cor. 7:12–13). The same applies to wives with unbelieving husbands. My faith doesn’t contaminate my marriage; it blesses it.

Paul says the unbelieving spouse is “sanctified” through the believing partner. This doesn’t mean they are saved, but it does mean God sets apart the family for special influence and blessing. My children, too, are considered holy, meaning they benefit from a unique spiritual environment because of my faith.

Pastorally, this is a call to patience and hope. Dr. Clarke, author of "I Don't Want a Divorce" emphasizes that many believers feel stuck in spiritually mismatched marriages, but God calls them to persevere. My life and love may be the very means God uses to draw my spouse to Christ (1 Cor. 7:16).

Theologically, this mirrors Christ’s faithfulness. Just as He remains committed to His bride despite her unfaithfulness, I am called to remain committed, even when my spouse doesn’t share my faith. Divorce in this case is not a path of obedience; faithful love is.